“Send a sexy pic” v2

Send a sexy pic

Valentine’s Day

Spoiling myself

I’ve never done Valentine’s Day… I mean, back in what… elementary school we’d all have to buy cards and make the little envelopes to put all our awesome valentines cards. I was the weird girl… The 1 that only got the cards from the ones who gave cards to everyone in class.. I was also the one who gave a valentine to everyone in class too.

I never really understood the whole Valentine day thing. I mean to me I think it’s a weird thing to have someone lavish presents, and chocolates to your bf, gf, SO (significant other), crush, secret admirer on 1 day. The pressure! lol but at the same time, I secretly long for that secret admirer to secretly put a card, or chocolates or a flower on my desk (locker, or whatever there was at my age at the time.) But that will never happen because

1. I do not have said secret admirer (that I know of lol)
2. I do not have a crush, bf, or SO

Maybe one day I can be one of those couplings that singles hate on valentine’s day. lol I know I was and sometimes am 1 of those singles that hate you couples on valentine’s day. I usually stay indoors.

Funny story. While living in Vancouver and being on POF I was talking to this great guy. We decided to meet up, and both of our days off was on a Monday. That also happened to be on Valentine’s day. lol I quickly said, wait.. is that cliché? We don’t have to, we can go another day. But we ended up meeting up at a Starbucks near the lonsdale quay (lol in naivety thought it was pronounced “qu-ay” not “key” lol derp.) We talked for awhile, I got cold. Then we spoke about sushi, and how I’ve never had it before. We decided to hit up a sushi place close-by… I hated it lol.  I tried what everyone tells me to try first, a California roll. I gagged, and did something you probably shouldn’t do with someone you’ve just met (besides try sushi for the first time.) I spat it out in my napkin. I did have 1 of his spicy tuna rolls, that I enjoyed. However sushi isn’t very satisfying for me. I gave him the rest of my rolls.. bleh. He was a nice guy. We went out quite a bit after that, surprisingly lol. Eventually though, I just thought we were only friends. It didn’t seem like he liked me that way, and I was perfectly fine with being just friends with him. Earlier this year though, I found out he did like me… and I guess we were sorta dating (not exclusively… not on my part for sure, I don’t know about him.) He’s with another girl who seems super nice.. and they’re probably super nice together, lol they are those disgustingly pda facebook couples for sure… hate those people.

Dwelling

I am dwelling on the whole FWB issue… I wish I didn’t dwell on things. It’s not the guy I’m dwelling on, which is weird to me lol. It’s weird to me because he was a very good looking guy, fun to hang out with, because we joked around a lot, and that’s a big thing for me. Albeit we didn’t have any ground-breaking talks. I have no idea if he has any siblings, I do know his parents are alive. The last encounter he found out I have 2 older brothers. But that was the extent of it. I know about his 2 friends, I’m assuming those are the closest ones, meaning he probably has more friends lol But I know of the two he seems to be closer with. But I’m not dwelling on him. I’m dwelling on the actual name “friends with benefits.” I don’t really see the benefit for me. Friends are great. I like making new friends (I don’t do this often, lol I’m pretty quiet and shy… so me meeting new people and befriending them, rarely happens.) Sex is supposed to be the benefit. But I have found out, I can’t differentiate feelings with sex. In order for me to have sex, there’s got to be an attraction. Not just physical, but mental, emotional. So again… what is the benefit for me??

The guys get unattached sex, which is awesome for them. I realize they’re not interested in me for more than sex. But implying we are friends, means there is a connection there. Of friendship, hanging out, laughing, joking, having fun. To me it’s so weird. To like a person as a friend, want to have sex with them, but end up as nothing? How does that work?

I came across an article, Booty call or friends with benefits? How men, women differ on casual sex.

Men tended to mix up f*** buddies with friends with benefits.

lol So now I’m wondering… Were we fuck buddies? We started out as dating, then moved to friends, maybe fwb, then fuck buddies. Because according to this article, which to me makes sense, a booty call is someone you call in the middle of the night or whenever your plans fell through, and/or you couldn’t pick up anyone, but horny as fuck lol to be completely blunt. We were not booty calls.

New Canadian research suggests … that women pay attention to the nuances of their bedroom relationship out of necessity – their reputation, the risk of pregnancy, and even physical safety are on the line.

I can’t help but dwell on this, because to me the whole “dating world” seems to want easy sex, and I just can’t give it up that easily. So I just can’t help but ponder the ways of that world. Every now and then. I broke it off with, let’s call him Bob, because I felt there wasn’t that mutual respect. That he just saw a place to put it, and I thought that we just enjoyed sex with each other, but he didn’t want a relationship, you can’t win them all. But with me not feeling or knowing there was no respect for me, I became worried that he could possibly do something to me with no regards to me. That was in the back of my mind, and the thought became bigger and bigger until it could no longer be ignored. After reading this article, I’m now thinking.. hmm.. I wonder if he told anyone?? Nah, I doubt I left a big impact on his life. Sadly, he left a pretty big impact on me.